Respite, Dolphins, Mummies, and Tractors

Buddy Boy's "Memory Extractor"


I haven't been posting a whole lot lately, especially about personal stuff. Things got really hard for awhile, and it became a combination of not being able/wanting to lay out my personal problems to the whole world (I am basically the silent, keep it in, work it out yourself kind of guy) as well as using all of my spare energy to do my best to keep our family from disintegrating. School's been out for two whole weeks here. And we're finally getting back to some semblance of normalcy.

The school year started out really well for Buddy Boy. The majority of his time was spent included in a regular classroom. Buddy Boy had the best darn teacher in the whole school for his regular class, Mrs. J. His special ed class teacher (Miss E.) worked well with Mrs. J., and pushed for him to be included more this year. Buddy Boy (for the most part) rose to the challenge. Miss E. helped support him for the small amount of time when he was scheduled to be pulled out (for OT and speech), as well as for the few unscheduled times when he had problems in the regular class. Mrs. J. is famous amongst the school's special ed families for her ability to bring out the best in all of the kids in her class. I'm really glad that Buddy Boy had her this year, and sad that he won't have her again next year.

Things went so well for the first several months that I hardly wrote anything about it. I was afraid that I would jinx the good fortune we were enjoying. This was it. This was the year that Buddy Boy would turn the corner on his behavior issues and be seen by his teachers and classmates as a full, valuable member of the class.

The last 7-8 weeks of school things got progressively worse (mostly at school, but also at home). I'm not really sure why. Buddy Boy became upset at the drop of a hat. He refused to do things that didn't bother him before. He lashed out and bit a teacher (which required stitches), and hit another. Liz was literally camped out in the school parking lot, forever on call for when things happened. Some days she was called three times. Several days ended early, with Buddy Boy being taken home.

His teachers looked for causes, we looked for causes. Though Buddy Boy is now quite verbal, he could offer no insight into what was causing him distress. Liz became increasingly distraught, and lashed out at a most convenient target, me. We both felt certain that although this school has been very accepting and supporting of Buddy Boy, that the days were numbered until he was kicked out.

School ended, and we never got "the letter". You know, the official one that says that your kid has been expelled. I am still perplexed, but thankful. This leaves us with more options for next year.

Slowly, ever so slowly, we have gotten back to some sort of equilibrium. It's a big relief that we no longer have the school's sword hanging over our heads (for now). Liz has relaxed, and even gotten some more sleep. We are talking again (instead of snapping and snarling, or even worse, saying nothing). I feel like we're on the same side again.

This week I had time off, which we used to go to Chicago. One of my uncles is dying, and we wanted to see him before he did. He has worsening congestive heart failure which has reached the limits of medical management, and it is only a matter of time. How much is hard to say. This aunt and uncle have always been great to our kids. Even though they don't have a lot of money (due to having had a special needs daughter themselves, as well as lots of medical bills), they have always sent cards with a note and $2 bills to the kids on all major holidays (Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving) as well as their birthdays. The kids love those cards.

Since we were going up there, we took some time to take the kids to a couple of museums. Chicago has great museums, though they can be a bit expensive when you're going to multiple ones. We went to the Shedd Aquarium and the Field Museum. If you plan your trip carefully, you can take advantage of several free days at the Field Museum. Unfortunately my time off didn't correlate with any of those days.



The Shedd Aquarium expanded greatly several years ago, and the kids (and us) loved it. Besides exploring several halls of fish and amphibians and watching a diver feed the fish in a huge glass tank, we saw a movie and a dolphin show. The movie was billed as a "4D" movie, as in addition to donning 3D glasses, there were air and water jets that shot out at us at various times, as well as vibrating seats. It was fairly intense from a sensory standpoint, but Buddy Boy hung in there. The dolphins were cool, especially as we got to go up after the show and get much closer to them.




The Field Museum of Natural History is like Indiana Jones' storehouse of everything he ever found on all of his expeditions. Sweet Pea was a little apprehensive about seeing mummies, but did a good job. She really liked the t-rex skeleton they had there, as well as some of the stuffed exotic animals. Sweet Pea also wasn't totally into an exhibit where they simulated you being the size of a small bug underground, but of course Buddy Boy thought it was totally cool. Liz and I enjoyed a special exhibit they had on George Washington Carver, but the kids seemed they could not care less.



We had ice cream and a ferris wheel ride down at Navy Pier, and headed back to the hotel for another night of swimming.



Having spent three days in Chicago, it was time to move on. On our way back home we took a little detour and went to Moline, Illinois. Why would we want to go to a relatively small sleepy river town for? Well, to visit the John Deere world headquarters and pavilion, of course. As astute readers of this little blog may recall, Buddy Boy has a thing for farming equipment, especially stuff made by John Deere.



















While I'd love to take the Ferrari factory tour someday, I rather doubt that they'd let my 6 and 8 year old kids crawl all over them, sit in the driver's seat, push pedals and hit the switches. Yet this is just what Deere lets anyone do with their $300,000 combines, as well as their less expensive equipment. There are several pieces of farming equipment as well as construction equipment located both at their world headquarters, as well as their pavilion in town. They also have some antique tractors (which they understandably don't let you crawl all over).

All in all, it's great to be getting back to normal. I don't know what the fall will bring (in terms of school), but for now it's great to kick back a little, relax, and get back into the groove.

Birthday Celebration!

Buddy Boy turned 8 this past week. It seems like only yesterday I was holding him moments after he was born.

Next weekend we are having a "kids" birthday party on Sunday, to which we've invited all of his classmates. We haven't had a kids party in a few years, so I don't know if it will come off OK or not. So far, out of a possible 20 kids, we've received 4 'No's', 2 'Yes's', and one verbal yes (from a classmate) without a formal RSVP. I'm praying for a few more 'Yes' responses. Doesn't anyone know what RSVP means anymore????

But that's this coming weekend, and we'll deal with that then.

This past weekend we had our family celebration, which went well. In case you don't remember, Buddy Boy has a thing for farm machines (especially combines), and has narrowed that of late to all things 'John Deere'. Now while we live within easy driving distance of farms, we've never lived anywhere remotely rural. This hasn't stopped Buddy Boy from being fascinated by these machines, and there use in farming.

For Christmas Buddy Boy got (yet another) toy farm machine (A tractor with a sprayor type apparatus on the back), as well as a boxed set of 5 John Deere DVD's (we laughed when we found these-who'd of new they made such things) and the shirt he's wearing in the picture. When asked what kind of theme he wanted for his birthday, farm machines was what he wanted.


Evidently John Deere has a very good marketing department. Because besides the shirt, the toys, and the DVD's, we also found the plastic logo to stick in the cake, as well as John Deere plates and napkins for the cake.

Buddy Boy had a good time. He's been wanting to go to the Science Museum to see the Body World exhibit, and after talking about it between us and with him, we took him. I think I'll save describing that for a separate post. Suffice it to say that it went well, and Buddy Boy had a good time.

After the museum we returned home for Chinese food, presents, and cake and ice cream. One of my brothers lives in town, so he joined us. We all had a good time, and Buddy Boy went to bed with a smile on his face.

I'm still anxious regarding what's going to happen next week (will anyone show up?, will he like the party?, will the other kids like the party?) but as I said, that'll have to wait for now. I'm glad that he'll have some good memories of this birthday, regardless of what happens next week.

Putting in His Supply List

a wormhole


Today Buddy Boy went up to Liz and asked her to obtain some supplies he was going to need to make a time machine. He evidently said:

"I'll need a computer, of course."

"Then I'll need a really big battery, and a big magnet."

"I'll also need some little batteries, and a lot of cable."

I've always been fascinated by Buddy Boy's creations. When he builds something, you can tell that he always starts with a vision in his head of what the thing will look like when it is finished. Once he starts, he's usually "in the zone". There's little time for chit chat, though sometimes he likes to describe what particular bits are for while he's in the construction process. He cuts and folds paper, strings strings all around, and continues until he's finished. Watching him build is like watching a sculptor release an image from a block of stone.

Buddy Boy has also confirmed for me multiple times that, like Temple Grandin, he "thinks in pictures". Neither I nor Liz have ever mentioned the concept to him, but on multiple times he has referred to the "pictures in his head". It's not a photographic memory, though, as the pictures aren't always 100% accurate. On one occasion he was trying to argue that he had done something that I definitely knew he had not. He said something like "My mind is like a tape recorder. If you could just hit the rewind button you could see the picture of me doing it and know that I'm right."

I'm waiting to see what the "time machine" will look like. Then I hope to borrow it so that I can go back and buy a winning lottery ticket. All in the name of research, of course.

Be the machine

I’ve been trying to understand for several months why Buddy Boy wants to be a machine or an inanimate object. I think if I can “Grok” this it might help me to see things thru his eyes a bit better.

Although Buddy Boy has rarely voiced a desire to be a particular type of person (he used to always say he wanted to be a farmer when he grew up) for the past year or so he’s always wanted to be some sort of machine (or occasionally an inanimate object). When I say that I would like to have a Ferrari someday (hey, I can dream, can’t I?) Buddy Boy will say that he wants to be a fast car when he grows up. He doesn’t want to fly a plane, he wants to be a plane.

I don’t necessarily think that this is a bad thing. Buddy Boy has always had a fascination with anything mechanical. Sometimes he’s obsessed about them (he could stare for hours at conveyor belts), but mostly I think he’s intrigued by them. As long as he doesn’t totally shut out everything else, we think this is great. We took a long drive in the country a couple of autumns ago, in search of combines in the field. We found some working near enough to the road to get some pictures, and had one of the pictures made into a puzzle that he still gets out and uses today.

Sometimes I think that Buddy Boy's wanting to be a machine is just a bit of magical thinking on his part. But mostly I wonder if Buddy Boy is so into the things he likes that he totally identifies with the machine or object. In so doing, the only way to really understand the machine is to be the machine.

Sometime this identification with things is a bit maladaptive. Buddy Boy has a hard time allowing us to wash his clothes in a washing machine. He hides his dirty clothes in his favorite hiding places to protect them from the washing machine. His offered compromise is that he says we can wash them only if we hand wash them. While I think it’s great that he offers to negotiate (negotiation as a preferred method of getting something, as opposed to screaming, grabbing, and hitting are all things we have been working on), it’s just not realistic to expect Liz to wash all of his clothes by hand. So we revert to a bit of diversion and subterfuge, putting the clothes aside and promising not to wash them then. Later, when he’s not watching, we throw them in the washer. When asked by him later if we washed them in the washer, we tell him yes, and he seems OK with that.

But other than instances like this, I don’t see any real harm with him wanting to be a machine (or an object). If being so focused on something that you want to be that thing can help you understand it, then maybe the heightened understanding gained from this experience will help in designing better machines. Only time will tell. Until then, anyone with a spare Ferrari in their garage, feel free to send it my way.

Joe is 209